Eternal Darkness
by tarnished glitter
Summary: Sidefic (almost a prequel) to my current epic, First Person Plural. Dark, weird. Tiny, tiny hint of MR, but even if you don't like that, you can read this and probably still enjoy it anyway. Deals with abuse, and might be triggering.


Notes: Sidefic to First Person Plural. Confusing. Might not make very much sense unless you've read that. Might not make sense even if you have. Dark. Weird. Reviews welcomed, flames expected.

//Flashbacks//

Disclaimer: Song is "I Miss You" by Blink 182, though I edited it a bit (just took out a few lines). Boys aren't mine.

* * *

_~Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley~_

He haunts my dreams. Every night, the same shadowy figure whispering, "Good boy. Such a good boy." The hot breath hisses in my ear, tickling me. Hands roaming over the small body, caressing the soft cotton of blue Scooby Doo pajamas, and then the silky skin beneath. Fingers combing through messy blonde hair – my messy blonde hair. 

Every night he comes to me, and each night the dreams grow more and more realistic, so that I can actually feel his large body crushing mine, can feel him inside of me, the pain – both physical and emotional – so real, and so frightening.

_Good boy. Such a good boy._

  
~_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness   
Comes creeping on so haunting every time~_

A strangled scream startles me into consciousness. Blearily, I open my eyes and look around the room, blackened with night. It is only when I feel the ache in my throat that I realize the scream came from me. Only…not me. The child in my dreams. I can still feel the fear sweeping over me and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach.

Throwing aside sweat-soaked sheets, I rise quickly and hurry into the bathroom where I empty the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl. When the convulsions cease, I stand shakily and turn, surprised to find Mark standing in the doorway, a look of concern distorting his features.

"Again, Rog?" he asks quietly. I don't say anything. It's been going on for three months now. The shadow man has come to visit me every night, and each time, this is where I end up. On my knees, clutching the toilet, sweat pouring down my forehead, fear clinging to me and tearing me apart inside.

Mark takes a hold of my arm and gently leads me back to our bed, where he tucks me in and curls up to my side, an arm thrown protectively across my waist. But he can't protect me. Not from this. Because when night falls, and I can no longer will my body to stay awake, the man comes creeping into the room, violating me, and only the rising of the sun in the morn can stop him.

  
~_And as I stared I counted   
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight~_

Another night, another dream. After I wake, drenched in sweat and cloaked in fear, I lay awake and stare at the ceiling, refusing to let my eyelids droop again.

Something moving, creeping slowly, on the ceiling catches my eye, and I glance up. It's a spider. I follow his lazy trail across our wall, my eyes settling on the webs in the corner, where the wall meets the ceiling.

Suddenly, something in my mind shifts. It's been happening a lot lately, ever since the dreams started. The sudden shifting, like layers of earth moving in an earthquake. Only there is no earthquake, only my mind, and the visions that haunt it.

_1, 2, 3_… I begin to count the webs, at the same time watching the spider approach a helpless fly caught in the trap it laid. This somehow reminds me of the nightmares. The shadow lurking closer and closer, eye on its prey. He makes his move, unrelenting in his torture, the pain seemingly eternal.

Again, I feel something shift in my mind, and suddenly, I'm whisked to a dark room, a child's bedroom. 

//I'm laying under the covers, trembling with fear.

_He's coming. I know he's coming… What time is it? He should be here by now… Maybe he's not coming. Maybe Mommy came home. Maybe Mommy found out, maybe she can stop the pain!_

"Roger."

_Oh no. Stay quiet, maybe he'll think you're asleep._

Voice thick with lust, he calls out again. "Roger, wake up."

A heavy hand on my shoulder, shaking, urging me to sit up. I know that I might as well give in, I can't fight it. He's bigger than me, and stronger, and I know what will happen if I'm not a "good boy."

Cracking an eye open, I can just barely make out his features. Cool blue eyes, obscured by thick, black glasses, a mess of sandy blonde hair.

And then it starts. The fingers creeping over skin, intruding, invading. The pain. So much pain. If I cry out, there will only be more pain, so I keep my mouth shut, biting my lower lip to keep my screams silent.

_Somebody save me… Somebody make it stop._//

_Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)_

"Roger." I start, springing up in bed, searching for the source of the voice. "Roger, it's ok."

Surprise turns to confusion as I realize that the voice is coming from inside me, from my own mouth. These are not my words though, not my voice.

"Bad things have happened, things you won't let yourself remember. We were called on to protect you, this is why you have no memories of the abuse you have suffered."

_What? Abuse? What's happening to me?? I'm going crazy!_

"It's ok. It's over now, it happened a long time ago. We are here to help you."

_We? Who's "we"?_

"He's not going to hurt you anymore. It's over now. It's over."

_It's over._

  
~_Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)~_

It's over.


End file.
